these phases in life

Sometimes I go through phases where I feel like I'm in a "rut."  But the great thing is, I always get out of the rut (even if it takes a while) and upon getting out, I find that I've become a better person.

Anytime I get in an off-mode, I know it's because either 1) There is something wrong with my attitude or 2) I'm supposed to learn a specific lesson.  Actually, it's usually both of these concepts combined.  So I have these awful--yet really wonderful--opportunities to do some serious self-evaluating and then find out how to correct the problems I'm facing at the time.  In that process I always learn something very particular that I could not have learned unless I went through the pain myself.  There are important lessons we can learn from others without having to make mistakes ourselves or venture beyond our comfort zones, but many lessons--and usually the ones which are most rewarding to learn--are lessons we have to learn on our own.  And it gets messy.  

I really do love that about life, though!  The more I live, the more I realize just how much I can change and progress, and as I make changes, I figure out who I am.  Or maybe I just create the person I want to become.

Sometimes I'd like to see myself as God sees me.  I believe our potential, as creations made by God, is limitless.

Life for me right now is all about figuring who I am and creating the person I want to become.  I'm trying to figure "stuff" out.  I'm trying to understand the core of what drives and motivates me.  What do I value?  Why do I do what I do?  What's the point?

I'm also working on spirituality.  I have been religious for years now, but am I spiritual?  Am I really in-tune with God, nature, and humans?  Do I listen?  Do I think outside of the immediate, physical world?  Do I make quiet time to commune with God and nature?  Do I make time for other people?

Why am I here and what am I supposed to learn?

For me, these questions are really quite exciting--they're a mess in my brain right now, but sometimes, in rare little bits of revelation, certain things click and make sense!  Of course, then more questions come and my mind starts getting messy again and I start the procress all over...

and then--after sweat, blood & tears--
I learn something new

:)