these phases in life

Sometimes I go through phases where I feel like I'm in a "rut."  But the great thing is, I always get out of the rut (even if it takes a while) and upon getting out, I find that I've become a better person.

Anytime I get in an off-mode, I know it's because either 1) There is something wrong with my attitude or 2) I'm supposed to learn a specific lesson.  Actually, it's usually both of these concepts combined.  So I have these awful--yet really wonderful--opportunities to do some serious self-evaluating and then find out how to correct the problems I'm facing at the time.  In that process I always learn something very particular that I could not have learned unless I went through the pain myself.  There are important lessons we can learn from others without having to make mistakes ourselves or venture beyond our comfort zones, but many lessons--and usually the ones which are most rewarding to learn--are lessons we have to learn on our own.  And it gets messy.  

I really do love that about life, though!  The more I live, the more I realize just how much I can change and progress, and as I make changes, I figure out who I am.  Or maybe I just create the person I want to become.

Sometimes I'd like to see myself as God sees me.  I believe our potential, as creations made by God, is limitless.

Life for me right now is all about figuring who I am and creating the person I want to become.  I'm trying to figure "stuff" out.  I'm trying to understand the core of what drives and motivates me.  What do I value?  Why do I do what I do?  What's the point?

I'm also working on spirituality.  I have been religious for years now, but am I spiritual?  Am I really in-tune with God, nature, and humans?  Do I listen?  Do I think outside of the immediate, physical world?  Do I make quiet time to commune with God and nature?  Do I make time for other people?

Why am I here and what am I supposed to learn?

For me, these questions are really quite exciting--they're a mess in my brain right now, but sometimes, in rare little bits of revelation, certain things click and make sense!  Of course, then more questions come and my mind starts getting messy again and I start the procress all over...

and then--after sweat, blood & tears--
I learn something new

:)

red lentil soup recipe

Since I've gone *mostly* vegan these days, I've been eating lots of yummy lentil soup.  Try this recipe from Bob's Red Mill--it's my favorite lately, and Ariel also loves it, so you can trust both of our opinions--it's so good and so, so easy! I use coconut oil instead of olive oil.  And only 1 TBSP! Coconut oil is great for your skin and has many other benefits.  Also, you can add more spinach. Lots more.  Trust me, it's delicious.

Rachel's Red Lentil Soup
Contributed by Bob's Red Mill Natural Foods 

Ingredients 1 Onion, chopped  1/4 cup Olive Oil  2 Carrots, diced  2 stalks Celery, chopped  1 tsp. Oregano  1 Bay Leaf  1 tsp. Basil  1 (14.5 ounce) can crushed Tomatoes  2 cups Red Lentils  8 cups Water  1/2 cup Spinach, rinsed and thinly sliced  2 Tbsp. Vinegar  Salt and Pepper to taste
Directions
In a large soup pot, heat oil over medium heat. Add onions, carrots and celery; cook and stir until onion is tender. Stir in garlic, bay leaf, oregano and basil; cook for 2 minutes. Stir in lentils and add water and tomatoes. bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer for at least 1 hour. When ready to serve. Stir in spinach and cook until it wilts. Stir in vinegar and season to taste with salt and pepper and more vinegar is desired. Makes 6 servings.

I think the desire to know and become and create is within each of us but we so often forget what we are destined for.  That's tragedy and a life wasted.

I want to reach my hand out into the expanse and scoop out a handful of stars.

Then I want to sprinkle them across the galaxy and watch them fall like drops of rain.

I want to create worlds.  It's so beautiful and epic, my epitome of a dream.

See?  This is why I can't sleep.  Thoughts, beautiful thoughts, always on my mind.

men on the big screen.

Why has it become a trend in the film industry to portray men as small-minded, ignorant, hypocritical, unfaithful, lazy, deceitful, selfish idiots?  Do I sound a little harsh?  Think about the majority of male characters on tv shows and movies, take a moment to evaluate their character, and you just might come to agree with me.

Women are always talking about how men need to step up to the plate, but how can we expect them to raise the bar when there is no bar in popular, modern media?  Maybe one of the reasons trashy examples of men on the screen bother me is because I'm wondering how I'm going to raise my future sons to be constant, honest, respectful, intelligent, charitable, hard-working, refined men when they have so many bad examples to look to in the media.

I want Truth.
yes, give me Excellence. 
pure and ceaseless Love 
Undiluted. 
Fire? Bring Fire.
Brilliant days and starry nights beg
Timelessness,
enduring Existence.