why we should stop whining :)

Brigham Young said it 150 years ago and I think it applies more than ever today when we so often, and so quickly, use social networking to get messages across to others:


"If persons think they have greater sorrow and affliction than any others, when they reveal that sorrow and affliction, it produces fruit. You frequently hear brethren and sisters say that they feel so tried and tempted, and have so many cares, and are so buffeted, that they must give vent to their feelings; and they yield to the temptation, and deal out their unpleasant sensations to their families and neighbours. Make up your minds thoroughly, once for all, that if we have trials, the Lord has suffered them to be brought upon us, and he will give us grace to bear them; and that they do not concern our families, friends, and neighbours, we can bear them off alone. But if we have light or intelligence—that which will do good, we will impart it; but our bad feelings, our desponding feelings, our dark hours, and disagreeable sensations we will keep to ourselves.  


Let that be the determination of every individual, for spirit begets spirit... feelings beget their likeness...If, then, we give vent to all our bad feelings and disagreeable sensations, how quickly we beget the same in others, and load each other down with our troubles, and become sunk in darkness and despair!  If you have anything good to say, speak it...If you have that which tends to death, keep it to yourselves: we do not want it, for we already have plenty of it.


In all your social communications...let all the dark, discontented, murmuring, unhappy, miserable feelings—all the evil fruit of the mind, fall from the tree in silence and unnoticed; and so let it perish, without taking it up to present to your neighbours. But when you have joy and happiness, light and intelligence, truth and virtue, offer that fruit abundantly to your neighbours, and it will do them good, and so strengthen the hands of your fellow-beings."


-Brigham Young, Journal of Discourses, Vol. 7 p.268-69, October 6, 1859. 

good reads (in fiction and philosophy)

Fiction

The Poisonwood Bible should change your life.  It should change the way you think about yourself, your behavior, and the worlds we--as cultures and nations--create.  It's brilliantly written, with characters so real that at times you might cry for them.  This is definitely the kind of book you WANT to affect you.  It's a must.   

Hilarious yet sobering.  Political.  You'll fall in love with Oskar, the nine-year-old protagonist.  Foer's writing style is unique, so be prepared for something deliciously different! 

The movie is coming out in January, so I definitely recommend reading the book before you see the show!  I'm sure the movie will be good, but you just can't capture Foer's writing in a movie(!!!!!)

Philosophy

I've been studying women and agency, and these two books are the most important (and interesting!) I've read thus far.  They are technical, so don't pick these up when you're looking for a quick page-turner or light read.  

Relational Autonomy. a collection of essays written by different feminists, outlines various theories on autonomy and argues that we need to change our definition of autonomy in order to make it relevant for women.  If you want to get a good introduction to issues regarding autonomy, this book is the place to begin. 

  Gender in the Mirror, written by Diana Meyers, consists of well-articulated, relevant arguments regarding women and agency.  I like that Meyers begins by explaining that we cannot remove gender from identity, and that she argues that in order for women to have autonomy, they need skills that allow them to maneuver in society.  Women can exercise agency in a patriarchal systems; however, patriarchal systems can oppress women by inhibiting their agentic skills.  


Meyers' work has excellent sections on maternal agency and on "women in the mirrors"--imagery of women circulating society and how it affects agency.

I don't agree with all of the ideas in these books, but that doesn't mean they aren't important to read. :)    

I'll keep my breasts, thank you.

I find it perplexing that during a time of Feminism, in our work toward equality, so many women want to get rid of the category of "Woman."

Can’t we remain Woman and be respected by Man?  Isn’t that the point?  If rather than embrace Womanhood, we instead try to get rid of our Woman-ness, we’re defeating the whole purpose of feminism.

Can you tell I’ve been reading RADICAL feminist theorists the past few weeks?  I’m growing weary of their rants.  The radicals want to get rid of my sex!!! Out with “Woman” because apparently, in order for Woman to be equal to Man, the sexes have to be eliminated. 

Wait—what?  So if you eliminate sex—maleness and femaleness—you get equality? Woah, woah, woah. I don't think so, sisters.

I kind of want to pour some cold water on these women to wake them out of their trance and then introduce myself:

“Hello, I am Woman.  I have breasts and a vagina.  I am different than Man.  Thank you very much.  That is my simple rebuttal to your long, 30 page article filled with technical terms and philosophical poop droppings.  I have basic biology on my side here."   

But what these women don't seem to get is that Woman-ness encompasses worlds more than possessing basic physical characteristics.  There is so much more to being Woman beyond the obvious differences that physically set us apart from Man.  And that's the beauty of gender!! Our differences complete each other--both when we physically become one flesh during sex and when we spiritually become one in the uniting bond of marriage.

I wish all feminists understood this necessary unification of Male and Female. I think then they'd understand what it means to be Woman.  And a woman who understands what it is to be WOMAN does not want to get rid of her woman-ness.  Cause she loves her woman-ness :) 

We as women do need societal reforms to take place in order to see equality, but an elimination of gender is not only biologically IMPOSSIBLE--it's also completely pointless in both our work toward equality and our work as human beings.

Devaluing my nature as Woman does not serve me. Ever.

I'll keep my breasts, thank you.

why i love being a woman

Painting by David Joaquin 

"Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come." -Proverbs 31:25




“Woman is God’s supreme creation. Only after the earth had been formed, after the day had been separated from the night, after the waters had been divided from the land, after vegetation and animal life had been created, and after man had been placed on the earth, was woman created; and only then was the work pronounced complete and good." -Gordon Hinckley 




“In a country where woman is insecure, she will give birth to insecure children, which will grow into insecure men and this will make the nation insecure. Security of the woman is the security of the nation.” -Yogi Bahjan 

Femininity “is the divine adornment of humanity. It finds expression in your… capacity to love, your spirituality, delicacy, radiance, sensitivity, creativity, charm, graciousness, gentleness, dignity, and quiet strength. It is manifest differently in each girl or woman, but each…possesses it. Femininity is part of your inner beauty.” –James Faust

“When the whole story of this [earth] is told, it will be filled with courageous stories of our women, of their wisdom and their devotion, their courage." –Spencer Kimball

"You are the grace of God." -Yogi Bahjan

life is beautiful because we get to CELEBRATE!

Life is beautiful because we get to celebrate all the happy things that go on in the lives of people we love.


I can't think of anything happier than seeing those I love truly happy!! 


I celebrate as people I love move to new phases in life.  I love seeing friends go off to college, come home after serving missions, celebrate birthdays and other milestones, go on adventures, produce art, begin careers, end unhealthy careers and pick up something else, achieve goals, fail goals and find new ones to focus on, FIND LOVE, have beautiful babies, find what they're passionate about, lose unnecessary burdens they've been carrying, find God or lose God for a while and come back with a fire--and just experience happiness in life!


It's so fun to see!!


I love all of you, my dear friends and family, and I am so happy for the great things going on in your lives :)  What a blessing it is to be able to take part in these celebrations.

Happy Thanksgiving month!

Thanksgiving is in one week(!!) 

I am thankful for God, family, friends, and all the beautiful people I get to meet. 

I am thankful for hands to write, play the piano, embrace other hands, flip through pages in books, place on a yoga mat, hold babies, cook, brush my teeth, try to eat with chopsticks, glue things together, and to do everything else I choose to use my hands for. 

I am thankful for teachers.  Every day so many people teach me.   

I'm thankful for how it feels to snuggle up in warm blankets.  

I am thankful for herbal tea.

I am thankful for my vitamix.

I am thankful for healthy, fresh food in abundance. 

I am thankful for hot cookies out of the oven--you know, when they melt in your mouth. 

I am thankful for my education. 

I'm thankful for temples. 

I am thankful for the warm apartment in which I live.

I am thankful for prophets and apostles.

I am thankful for Christ’s gospel.

I am thankful for eyes to see colors and nature and words and people and art and all other good things eyes can see.

I am thankful for happy times and sad times.  I am thankful for different seasons in life, and the things we learn in the different phases.

I am thankful for my mission call to Florida.  

I am thankful for my LIFE mission as well--what I’m here on EARTH to do. 

I am thankful for my mother’s long hugs.  I will never forget a few years ago after a nasty break-up with my boyfriend, I felt a real sense of betrayal for the first time.  My mom held my sobbing 18-year-old self for as long as I needed her.  Then she spent the night in my bedroom as I cried myself to sleep.  

I am thankful for Father’s blessings from my dad.  He listens and he conveys what the Spirit tells him.  I write down what I remember from his blessings and refer to them often.  These recorded blessings are some of my most important possessions.  

I am thankful for Kait’s hiccups and bird calls and other hilarious sounds.  I am thankful for her humor.  She can always lighten a situation.  She has a way of easing awkward situations by using humor. 

I am thankful for Shalane/Boohbah’s sweet smiles and for her giving nature.  She is always willing to share and go "above-and-beyond."  And she is one of the hardest workers I know.  

I am thankful for the four Carson family cats.  Yes, we are crazy cat people. I love those cats.  

I am thankful for not inheriting my mom’s cancer that killed both her father and her brother.  I am thankful for my mom’s life, thanks to advances in medicine (and God's hands).  I am also thankful that through her surgeries, she has survived and that her faith has remained.  I am thankful for her faith in God—and in people.  She loves people. 

I am thankful that my Dad taught me to love reading when I was a young child.  He'd finish a book and I'd say, "Again, Daddy!  Again!"  He would tirelessly read those books over, and over, and over--until we both fell asleep.  

Then later when I read on my own and fell in love with novels, he encouraged me to get all those AR points.  I am thankful he took me to every Harry Potter book premier.    

I am thankful for my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, my cousins, and for the experiences we've had together.  I miss them and they stay with me in spirit.  I remember the things they've taught me and the love they've shown me, and I am thankful I have these wonderful people to call my family.  

I am thankful that I was able to study abroad in Jerusalem. 

I am thankful for my dear roommates and best friends.  Ariel and Elise have taught me so much and have shown an unconditional love for me that means so much.  I am thankful they forgive me over and over. 

I am thankful for stories.  Other than love, I believe stories are the most precious things we have to offer to others. 

I am thankful for the many years I have to look forward to, in which I’ll get to hear many stories, laugh often, get frustrated with (but then love) this experience of being human, and keep learning, learning, learning. 


I am thankful for sunshine on my face.


I'm thankful for shoes.


I'm thankful for airplanes and for cars and for bicycles.


I'm thankful for my ears.  I love to hear voices, music, wind, birds, laughter, babies cooing, and those Kentucky summer nights when you lay in bed and hear the orchestration of millions of insects.


I'm thankful for the leopard pajama pants Cottey bought me.  I'm thankful for Cottey and for our times together.  I'm thankful for Sam.


I'm thankful for letters from Tiffany.


I'm thankful for emails from Molly.  


I'm thankful for happy marriages.  There is nothing more beautiful to me than seeing a man and a woman completely dedicated to each other because they are dedicated to God.  It is pure.  


I am thankful for the priesthood.


I am thankful for sleep.  Goodnight :) 

something to consider

I have many great professors, some of whom have become close mentors and friends.  One of them recently sent me this quote after a discussion we had about learning to love both the self and others.  

I had forgotten this quote and it was exactly what I needed to read today.  It represents a theme in my life right now--it's this theme of figuring out who I am as I recognize my abilities and my potential as God's child.

I'm training my brain (well, more-so my spirit) to learn to see both myself and other people in this light of God's understanding. (But really, it's not me training me; it's God training me.  I pray, pray, and pray some more until the Spirit gives me much-needed love and perspective.  Then I repeat the process.  Over, and over, and OVER again.  And I suppose I'll be repeating it for the rest of my life.  That's the thing about being human--we're always learning the same basic lessons, aren't we?)   


Enough of my intro.  Here's the quote:      

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others" (Marianne Williamson, Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles", Harper Collins, 1992. From Chapter 7, Section 3). 

You know, the more I learn, the more I realize all wisdom really comes down to one thing:

Wisdom is knowing how to love--
and loving for the right reason.

Just a John? Pornography and Men's Choices.

I came across this book in the library a few weeks ago and couldn't resist.  It's a collection of essays written by various pro-feminist men.  I really recommend this--and don't just put it on your "to-read" list--get it now :)  The essays are short enough so that you can pick one up and read it in 10-15 minutes; I've been using them as quick breaks from homework.  Tonight I read "Just a John? Pornography and Men's Choices" by Robert Jensen.  While I don't agree with everything Jensen wrote, this is an excellent essay with many important points. Here's a preview until you can grab a copy for yourself:

  

"Take a system that values profit over everything, and combine it with a system of male supremacy, and you get a situation where pornography is increasingly mainstream and normalized; it is made into everyday experience.  Pornography is profitable when men take it as their right to consume women’s sexuality.  When women join in the patterns of producing and consuming pornography, they join in a practice of exploitation and objectification…I’m going to say nothing in regard to what women should do…I do, however, take it as my place to talk to men.  I take it as a political and ethical responsibility to engage in critical self-reflection and to be accountable for my behavior…Do you want to participate in a system in which women are sold for sexual pleasure, whether in prostitution, pornography, strip clubs, or in any other aspect of the sex industry?  Do you want to live in a world in which some people are bought and sold for the sexual pleasure of others?"

***

"When we ask such questions, one of the first things we will hear is: These are important issues, but we shouldn’t make men feel guilty about buying sexual pleasure.  Why not?  …Johns should feel guilty when they buy women.  Guilt is an appropriate response to an act that is unjust.  Guilt can be a sign that we have violated our own ethical norms.  It can be part of a process of ending the injustice..." 

***

"When you create a sex-class that can be bought and sold, the people in that group—in this instance, women—will inevitably be treated as lesser, as available to be controlled and abused."

***

"We can see that pornography not only raises issues about the buying and selling of

women, but -- if we can remain ruthless and not shrink from our own discoveries -- about

sex in general, about the way in which men and women in this culture are commonly

trained to be sexual. It’s not just about pimps and johns and the women prostituted. It’s

about men and women, and sex and power. If throughout this discussion you have been

thinking, “Well, that’s not me -- I never pay for it,” don’t be so sure. It’s not just about

who pays for it and who doesn’t. It’s about the fundamental nature of the relationship between men and women, and how that plays out in sex and intimacy.  And if you think this doesn’t affect you because you are one of the “good men,” don’t be so sure. I’m told that I am one of those good men. I work in a feminist movement. I have been part of groups that critique men’s violence and the sex industry. And I struggle with these issues all the time. I was trained to be a man in this culture, and that training doesn’t evaporate overnight. None of us is off the hook."

***

Jensen's point is that we should take responsibility for our choices.  He takes "it as a political and ethical responsibility to engage in critical self-reflection and to be accountable for my behavior" and he expects other men to do the same.

If you're gonna be a john, acknowledge the implications of your actions. If you buy and sell women, be a man and take responsibility for that.  There are no excuses.

happy weekend! do something for your soul

My mom and sister made a last-minute decision to take a trip out here to Provo for the weekend, and I'm especially thankful because tonight I had the opportunity to attend the temple with my mom.

The temple increases my reverence of God, of life, of people.  There is no better place to worship, to feel God's love, to meditate, to ask questions and receive answers, to find peace, to be inspired, to lift my perspective above all the noise of everydayness.

You know when your soul just needs something?  My soul needs the temple--always.  I want to honor that more often.

I hope this weekend you get to do something for your soul :)

Love and peace and joy(!),
Jenna