Gaga

Because Lady Gaga seems to constantly be reducing women to sex objects, I have a personal problem with her.  And shouldn't all women have a problem with being reduced to sex objects? Shouldn't our boyfriends and husbands?

It's ironic that females, many of whom have long been pursuing women's rights, actually support artists who objectify us and reduce our value to so very little.  We're continually exploited by the people who entertain us.

But I'm not just offended by the way in which Gaga exploits my gender.  I'm more concerned about her anti-Christ behavior; she not only blasphemes the Savior, but continually promotes Satan through her lyrics and videos. She is thus, in every sense of the term, an anti-Christ figure.  And what I don't understand is given all of this, our culture is worshipping her.

I don't think it's possible to miss Gaga's blasphemous lyrics--or the Satanic symbolism in her music videos--but in case you have overlooked these blatant messages, let me point out a few:

"Judas"(my comments are italicized)

Ohohohoh
I'm in love with Judas, Judas

Ohohohoh
I'm in love with Judas, Judas

Judas! Juda-as Judas! Juda-as
Judas! Juda-as Judas! GAGA


Judas, the disciple who betrayed Christ by betraying Him to Roman soldiers, became the son of perdition (John 17:12). 

When he comes to me, I am ready
I'll wash his feet with my hair if he needs
Forgive him when his tongue lies through his brain
Even after three times, he betrays me


Gaga references the woman who washed Christ's feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair (Luke 7:44); far worse, though, is that Gaga implies her ability to forgive sins when God alone has the authority to forgive sins (Luke 5:21).

I'll bring him down, bring him down, down
A king with no crown, king with no crown

I'm just a Holy Fool, oh baby he's so cruel
But still I'm in love with Judas, baby
I'm just a Holy Fool, oh baby he's so cruel
But still I'm in love with Judas, baby

Ohohohoh
I'm in love with Judas, Judas

Ohohohoh
I'm in love with Judas, Judas

Judas! Juda-as Judas! Juda-as
Judas! Juda-as Judas! GAGA


I couldn't love a man so purely
Even prophets forgave his crooked way
I've learned love is like a brick you can
Build a house or sink a dead body


I have no knowledge of prophets forgiving Judas.  
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/l/lady_gaga/judas.html ]
I'll bring him down, bring him down, down
A king with no crown, king with no crown

I'm just a Holy Fool, oh baby he's so cruel
But still I'm in love with Judas, baby
I'm just a Holy Fool, oh baby he's so cruel
But still I'm in love with Judas, baby

Ohohohoh
I'm in love with Judas, Judas

Ohohohoh
I'm in love with Judas, Judas

In the most Biblical sense,
I am beyond repentance
Fame hooker, prostitute wench, vomits her mind
But in the cultural sense
I just speak in future tense
Judas kiss me if offenced,
Or wear an ear condom next time


Beyond repentance?  That's for God to judge and I hope you're not, but if you don't come to see the light eventually--yes, Ms. Gaga, you will probably be "beyond repentance" in the "most Biblical sense."


You are acting like a "hooker" and a "prostitute wench"--I wish you'd stop.  


The line "Judas kiss me if offenced" refers to when Judas betrayed Christ. Judas told the soldiers he would show them who Christ was by kissing Christ on the cheek (Matthew 6:49) 

I wanna love you,
But something's pulling me away from you
Jesus is my virtue,
And Judas is the demon I cling to
I cling to


Gaga "clings to" the son of perdition rather than Christ.



"Born This Way"(my comments are italicized)

It doesn't matter if you love him, or capital H-I-M
Just put your paws up
'Cause you were born this way, baby



Alright, this should be obvious: "Capital H-I-M" refers to God.  (And surely it does matter if we love Him.) 


"Paws" implies we're animals/beasts, not humans with reason and agency.    

My mama told me when I was young
We are all born superstars
She rolled my hair and put my lipstick on
In the glass of her boudoir
"There's nothin wrong with lovin who you are"
She said, "'cause he made you perfect, babe"
"So hold your head up girl and you'll go far,
Listen to me when I say"

I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way
Don't hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way


Yes, we are beautiful in our own way, especially because we are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:26)--and yes, God does not make any mistakes because He is perfect.  But WE make mistakes, and loving ourselves isn't enough--"love yourself and you're set" doesn't work because the first commandment is to "Love thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind" (Matthew 22:37) and the second commandment is "Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself" (Matthew 22:39).  Perhaps most important to note here is that Jesus said, "If ye love me, keep my commandments" (John 14:15).  If we love Christ, we follow Him by keeping His commandments--whether Gaga likes it or not. 

Ooo there ain't no other way
Baby I was born this way
Baby I was born this way
Ooo there ain't no other way
Baby, I was born this way
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way

Don't be a drag - just be a queen
Don't be a drag - just be a queen
Don't be a drag - just be a queen
Don't be!

Give yourself prudence
And love your friends
Subway kid, rejoice your truth
In the religion of the insecure
I must be myself, respect my youth
A different lover is not a sin
Believe capital H-I-M (hey hey hey)
I love my life I love this record and
Mi amore vole fe yah (love needs faith)


Gaga's assertion "a different lover is not a sin" followed by "Believe capital H-I-M" implies that Christ accepts relationships other than heterosexual relationships (see below where she sings: "No matter gay, straight, or bi, Lesbian, transgendered life I'm on the right track baby...")  While I love my gay friends and want them to know that, I can't deny that as a Christian, I believe God created males and females to fit together--biologically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually--in relationships, and that claiming otherwise is blasphemy.  I like what Gil Rugh said: "Homosexuality is a biblical issue, not a political issue.  How we 'feel' about it is not relevant.  What the Bible says about it is completely relevant."  Lady Gaga can claim what she wants--but truth is truth, whether or not we accept it.  


Repeat chorus + post-chorus

Don't be a drag, just be a queen
Whether you're broke or evergreen
You're black, white, beige, chola descent
You're lebanese, you're orient
Whether life's disabilities
Left you outcast, bullied, or teased
Rejoice and love yourself today
'Cause baby you were born this way
No matter gay, straight, or bi,
Lesbian, transgendered life
I'm on the right track baby
I was born to survive
No matter black, white or beige
Chola or orient made
I'm on the right track baby
I was born to be brave



 Now check out the symbols in the music video:




If you want help understanding the symbols, check out this article.  Interesting points and the writer interprets the capital H-I-M as Satan himself (though I interpreted the reference as God, I see how both interpretations could work here.)

"Alejandro"


Watch it and again, if you want to read about the symbolism try this.





Watch "Bad Romance" and then read this.




Apart from lyrics and music videos, Gaga has been fairly open about personal Satanic nightmares that she includes in her performances.  She said, "I do have morbid dreams...I put them in the show.  A lot of the work I do is an exorcism for the fans but also for myself."  Gaga spoke of an illuminati dream during an interview with Rolling Stone:

"I have this recurring dream sometimes where there’s a phantom in my home and he takes me into a room, and there’s a blond girl with ropes tied to all four of her limbs. And she’s got my shoes on from the Grammys. Go figure—pyscho. And the ropes are pulling her apart.  I never see her get pulled apart, but I just watch her whimper, and then the phantom says to me, ‘If you want me to stop hurting her and if you want your family to be OK, you will cut your wrist.’ And I think that he has his own, like, crazy wrist-cutting device. And he has this honey in, like, Tupperware, and it looks like sweet-and-sour sauce with a lot of MSG from New York. Just bizarre. And he wants me to pour the honey into the wound, and then put cream over it and a gauze."


Yuck.  

Do people not get what they're supporting every time they listen to and watch Gaga's filth? 

something I learned today

Girodet, The Entombment of Atala (1808)

The virgin Atala frees Chactas and the two run away; Atala, though now in love with Chactas, had already sworn in her faith to remain a virgin.  Atala poisons herself. 

i love learning!

Today I began classes for spring term and I was amazed at the spirit I felt in each class--a spirit of truth and inspiration.  Perhaps one of the basic reasons I love learning is because I so often feel inspired by the people who teach me.  And I feel their love and light--it's not something I can explain; I just feel it!

I've been thinking lately about how I'm surrounded by so many wonderful people, and I'm becoming more and more impressed as I notice the different talents each of us has.  I've been thinking about how COOL it is that we all can work together--using our unique talents--to help each other and learn from each other.  I'm so glad we're all so different.  

But even with all our differences, we have this basic "stuff" that makes us so similar--the stuff that makes us human--and we're all in this experience in life together.  If we could just remember that, think how much we could accomplish as we come together, seeing the good in each other and building relationships founded on love and respect for the divine light within us.  

There's so much beauty in the world, especially within each of us.  And what's so exciting is that we can create more beauty with what we choose to do in life!  

the influence of a woman.

"It is interesting to know how man is put together– how incomplete he is. His whole physical and emotional, and for that matter, spiritual nature, is formed in such a way that it depends upon a source of encouragement and power that is found in a woman. When man has found his wife and companion, he has in a sense found the other half of himself. He will return to her again and again for that regeneration that exalts his manhood and strengthens him for the testing that life will give him. A woman has the privilege and influence to transform a man into an able and effective...leader. However, for this there are two prerequisites. First, she must want to, and second, she must know how. Part of knowing how includes the genius of encouraging him to meet his obligations without replacing him in his role, without presiding over him."

-Boyd K. Packer 

happy studying!

Here's a little treat for my fellow BYU spring termers.  Good way to begin the semester :)

Happy Easter!

“For to this end Christ both died, and rose, and revived, that he might be Lord both of the dead and living” (Romans 14:9). 

I know Jesus suffered, died and rose again for all of us.  I know "he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities" and that He heals us (Isaiah 53:5). Christ suffered so we don't have to; He overcame death so we can live again after this life.  I know He loves us, and I know He is our Savior and God. 

This is a video from my last trip to the Garden Tomb in December, narrated by my good friend Mary.  It's perfect for Easter.



Garden Tomb from Jenna Carson on Vimeo.

beautiful

our bodies are miracles and I sometimes forget how beautiful they are--this video helps me remember :)

"There is a set of men lately sprung up amongst us, who endeavor to distinguish themselves by ridiculing everything that has hitherto appeared sacred and venerable in the eyes of mankind.  Reason, sobriety, honor, friendship, marriage are the perpetual subjects of their insipid raillery; and even public spirit, and a regard to our country, are treated as chimerical and romantic.  Were the schemes of these anti-reformers to take place, all the bonds of society must be broken..." -David Hume

God's rain.

I'm filled with gratitude to God, and I want to share with all of you dear friends who read this blog!  I need to let you know that I know God is here for us personally, in every moment, in every situation, in whatever emotion and circumstance we find ourselves.

In my journal this semester I've been writing, writing, and writing some more about how I've seen God in my life; the more I look around me, the more I see His blessings. I see His infinite, unconditional love for all of us.

I want to testify that because God loves us, He makes us strong AFTER we demonstrate faith.  Moroni explains this principle so well in one of his most beautiful prayers: "...thou [God] workest after men have faith.  For thus didst thou manifest thyself unto thy disciples; for after they had faith, and did speak in thy name, thou didst show thyself unto them in great power.  And I also remember that thou hast said that thou hast prepared a house for man, yea, even among the mansions of thy Father, in which man might have a more excellent hope; wherefore man must hope, or he cannot receive an inheritance in the place which thou hast prepared" (Ether 12: 30-32)

God manifests Himself to us in our lives after we demonstrate faith; we first have hope and we then act in hope--then the blessings come.  But sometimes the blessings don't come right away, because often God wants us to stretch ourselves to our limit. If God didn't stretch us and let us struggle and grow, how would we grow in the first place?  Even throughout all the pain, though, He's there all along, shouldering our burdens with us.  Sometimes it's so hard we don't even realize He's here; we cry and plead, and we think we're getting nowhere.  But after we continue to hang in there and get by--doing the best we can--things come together.  That's when God pours blessings like RAIN!  And it's not a sprinkling of blessings; it's a STORM of blessings.  I'm experiencing this right now.  God is flooding my life with blessings.  And the greatest blessing of all is that He's given me so much of His grace over the past few months that I've grown in ways I can't explain.  He's changing me.  Our souls are, as the scriptures say, like soft clay being shaped by a potter.

Our Savior, Jesus Christ, is our Potter; He died so we might live--and not live in sorrow, but in HAPPINESS as we live in His love, experiencing the miracles of His light and peace. :)

"great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds"

a happy end-of-semester to you!

last-week-of-school/finals survival tool: private mini dance parties. 

(definition of PMDP)
noun. 5-10 minutes of pure awesomeness including, but certainly not limited to, crazy dancing all by yourself.

PMDPs usually work well when no one else is home.

The best PMDPs tend to include things you usually don't do in front of other people (jumping on the bed, obnoxious singing, outlandish dance moves, and so on)

Why you might love PMDPs:

1. They're short enough to give you a break without taking too much time away from your studying

2. You can dance as weird as you want without attracting unwanted gazes from people who wouldn't appreciate your dance moves properly 

3. You can freely listen to artists you really love but pretend you don't in order to avoid humiliation (my newfound love, J. Bieber, for example)

4. You'll find you develop favorite PMDP songs you keep coming back to--and every time you hear those songs in the future, you'll fondly remember that one PMDP party that one time before you took that one final and how that one song helped you ACE that final.  yeahhhhhhhh babbbbyyy

Really good PMDPs might include the following: 

saturday night sing-along

Once in a while in the late hours of the night, Ariel, Elise and I end up looking up random videos on youtube and singing along.  We lose track of time and forget about homework.  These have been some of my favorite moments all semester :D

Here's a little sampling of some favorites for your listening enjoyment. As you can tell, we are proud lovers of Disney ;)  I think I love Disney more now than I did as a kid.

spirituality.

What is spirituality?  What does it mean to you?  Yesterday a friend told me his definition: "forsaking passions and possessions in order to come closer to God." He said, "That's sort-of Hinduism, but it applies.  I need to do more research."

I agree with Charles; spirituality certainly does entail forsaking passions and possessions as we work to become closer to God. And I also agree that all of us, no matter what religion, need to do more research on the concept.  I need to make time to ponder my own spirituality.  

I believe love is the foremost quality in spirituality.  It's the very basis of the two great commandments to 1) Love God with all our souls and 2) Love our neighbors like unto ourselves.  And I believe love is the element that motivates us to even become spiritual in the first place.  Certainly love is required before we can truly forsake those passions and possessions Charles spoke of. 

Learning to love God, ourselves, and others—and thus progress spiritually—requires a change of heart, not just a change of behavior but a change of attitude.  Life, rather than a continual checklist of to-do activities such as praying and scripture studying, gives us the opportunity to change not only behaviors but foremost, the way we think and feel.  When our actual thoughts and our intents change, we become like the Lord in mind and heart.  We learn to love as He does as He imparts His grace and changes us. 

Spirituality, then, includes forsaking passions and possessions as we come to love God.  If love of God does not come first in our hearts, the effort to forsake ungodly behaviors and characteristics means little—because it’s not done in the right attitude.  We cannot become like God until we begin thinking more like Him.  

As a consider questions like How can I think more like God? How can I truly grow in love? How can I change my attitude? I hope to share some of my personal discoveries on this quest to grow in spirituality and become more like God.

joy and gratitude, living in the present

I have a bad habit of looking forward to the future rather than focusing on the present.  I'm always pretty excited about what's coming up in my life, but I seem to have a hard time being excited about the day I'm actually living in.

The last few weeks I've been working especially hard on changing this, and it has been FANTASTIC.  It was hard at first (changing behaviors is always hard) but I'm getting better.

I had a great conversation with my aunt about learning to love the present, and to live in the present, without letting thoughts constantly wander, or thinking about what you're going to do when you finish what you're currently doing.

The trick is to stop thinking about finishing tasks, but to start embracing each moment and finding joy.  I've realized we can find joy in just about anything. If we're washing dishes, we can love that we have hands to do things!  We can love feeling bubbly dish-soap between our fingers.

I know every moment isn't gonna be peachy.  We can't find joy in every thing. There are times to grief, times to feel hurt, and times to really dislike that one school assignment that we just can't seem to wrap our minds around.  But I do believe we can find joy in most things, even the mundane things in life--and I think the happiest people have mastered this trick.

THE STATION

by Robert J. Hastings

Tucked away in our subconscious minds is an idyllic vision. We see 
ourselves on a long, long trip that almost spans the continent. We're
 traveling by passenger train, and out the windows we drink in the passing
 scene of cars on nearby highways, of children waving at a crossing, of 
cattle grazing on a distant hillside, of smoke pouring from a power plant,
 of row upon row of corn and wheat, of flatlands and valleys, of mountains 
and rolling hills, of biting winter and blazing summer and cavorting 
spring and docile fall.



But uppermost in our minds is the final destination. On a certain day at a
certain hour we will pull into the station. There will be bands playing, 
and flags waving. And once we get there, so many wonderful dreams will come
true. So many wishes will be fulfilled and so many pieces of our lives will
finally be neatly fitted together like a completed jigsaw puzzle.

How 
restlessly we pace the aisles, damning the minutes for loitering...waiting,
waiting, waiting, for the station.  

However, sooner or later we must realize…The true joy of life is the trip. The 
station is only a dream. It constantly outdistances us.



“When we reach the station, that will be it!" we cry. Translated it means,
 "When I'm 18, that will be it! When I buy a new 450 SL Mercedes Benz, that
 will be it! When I put the last kid through college, that will be it! When
 I have paid off the mortgage, that will be it! When I win a promotion, that
 will be it! When I reach the age of retirement, that will be it! I shall 
live happily ever after!"



Unfortunately, once we get It, then It disappears. The station somehow 
hides itself at the end of an endless track.



"Relish the moment" is a good motto, especially when coupled with Psalm 
118:24: "This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be
 glad in it." It isn't the burdens of today that drive men mad. Rather, it
 is regret over yesterday or fear of tomorrow. Regret and fear are twin 
thieves who would rob us of today.



So, stop pacing the aisles and counting the miles. Instead, climb more 
mountains, eat more ice cream, go barefoot oftener, swim more rivers, 
watch more sunsets, laugh more and cry less. Life must be lived as we go 
along. The station will come soon enough. 



i think my heart's melting

A Streetcar Named Desire

I can hardly believe I lived 20 years without ever reading anything by Tennessee Williams. I read Streetcar last night for one of my classes and fell in love. Then I watched the movie and fell in love all over again. It's been running through my head and I can't get it out. You've gotta read the play if you haven't! And then watch the movie. Don't spoil it by watching the movie first! I know I'm tempting you with the trailer, but it's so worth the read first!

ideas for this weekend

Don't know what to do this weekend? Ditch the mundane (tv, parties, fb surfing, whatever) and try something fresh:

1.  Visit a nursing home. There are few things as rewarding as helping others feel loved.

2. Did you know the BYU women's locker room has a sauna?  (I'm assuming the men have one, too.)  Take some time for yourself and relax in the heat.

3. Grab a friend, roommate, or significant other and try partner yoga. 

4. Philosophy lover? Give your brain a workout and read about Natural Law.  Try The First Grace: Rediscovering the Natural Law in the Post-Christian World and Natural Law: Reflections on Theory & Practice

5. It's getting warmer outside!  No excuse to stay in :) Pick a race to train for and hit the pavement.

6. Bake a batch of healthy cookies for the neighbors you don't know yet.

7.  Attend different worship services (besides your own faith) around your community.

8. Get artsy and head to a museum for inspiration. The Carl Bloch exhibit, currently at BYU, is fantastic!

happy weekend! <3

Don't you love it when you discover you can do something that you couldn't do before?!

Why not take some risks?  Why not embrace some new challenges?  Take a class you know will be hard, but that you want to take because you're interested--Forget grades and learn for the sake of learning!  Pick up a new hobby that isn't exactly your forte.  Go to that hard-core workout class that you can't get through right now, but one day might be able to.  Apply for that study abroad you've been putting off because you don't know if it could actually happen.  Make that special goal you've been avoiding because you don't know if you really have the self disciple to carry it out--Choose to forget your fears and make up your mind to do what it takes.

Push your boundaries.  Reach for opportunities, and God will make a way for you to accomplish new things.  I know He will.

I love you all! :)

these phases in life

Sometimes I go through phases where I feel like I'm in a "rut."  But the great thing is, I always get out of the rut (even if it takes a while) and upon getting out, I find that I've become a better person.

Anytime I get in an off-mode, I know it's because either 1) There is something wrong with my attitude or 2) I'm supposed to learn a specific lesson.  Actually, it's usually both of these concepts combined.  So I have these awful--yet really wonderful--opportunities to do some serious self-evaluating and then find out how to correct the problems I'm facing at the time.  In that process I always learn something very particular that I could not have learned unless I went through the pain myself.  There are important lessons we can learn from others without having to make mistakes ourselves or venture beyond our comfort zones, but many lessons--and usually the ones which are most rewarding to learn--are lessons we have to learn on our own.  And it gets messy.  

I really do love that about life, though!  The more I live, the more I realize just how much I can change and progress, and as I make changes, I figure out who I am.  Or maybe I just create the person I want to become.

Sometimes I'd like to see myself as God sees me.  I believe our potential, as creations made by God, is limitless.

Life for me right now is all about figuring who I am and creating the person I want to become.  I'm trying to figure "stuff" out.  I'm trying to understand the core of what drives and motivates me.  What do I value?  Why do I do what I do?  What's the point?

I'm also working on spirituality.  I have been religious for years now, but am I spiritual?  Am I really in-tune with God, nature, and humans?  Do I listen?  Do I think outside of the immediate, physical world?  Do I make quiet time to commune with God and nature?  Do I make time for other people?

Why am I here and what am I supposed to learn?

For me, these questions are really quite exciting--they're a mess in my brain right now, but sometimes, in rare little bits of revelation, certain things click and make sense!  Of course, then more questions come and my mind starts getting messy again and I start the procress all over...

and then--after sweat, blood & tears--
I learn something new

:)

red lentil soup recipe

Since I've gone *mostly* vegan these days, I've been eating lots of yummy lentil soup.  Try this recipe from Bob's Red Mill--it's my favorite lately, and Ariel also loves it, so you can trust both of our opinions--it's so good and so, so easy! I use coconut oil instead of olive oil.  And only 1 TBSP! Coconut oil is great for your skin and has many other benefits.  Also, you can add more spinach. Lots more.  Trust me, it's delicious.

Rachel's Red Lentil Soup
Contributed by Bob's Red Mill Natural Foods 

Ingredients 1 Onion, chopped  1/4 cup Olive Oil  2 Carrots, diced  2 stalks Celery, chopped  1 tsp. Oregano  1 Bay Leaf  1 tsp. Basil  1 (14.5 ounce) can crushed Tomatoes  2 cups Red Lentils  8 cups Water  1/2 cup Spinach, rinsed and thinly sliced  2 Tbsp. Vinegar  Salt and Pepper to taste
Directions
In a large soup pot, heat oil over medium heat. Add onions, carrots and celery; cook and stir until onion is tender. Stir in garlic, bay leaf, oregano and basil; cook for 2 minutes. Stir in lentils and add water and tomatoes. bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer for at least 1 hour. When ready to serve. Stir in spinach and cook until it wilts. Stir in vinegar and season to taste with salt and pepper and more vinegar is desired. Makes 6 servings.

I think the desire to know and become and create is within each of us but we so often forget what we are destined for.  That's tragedy and a life wasted.

I want to reach my hand out into the expanse and scoop out a handful of stars.

Then I want to sprinkle them across the galaxy and watch them fall like drops of rain.

I want to create worlds.  It's so beautiful and epic, my epitome of a dream.

See?  This is why I can't sleep.  Thoughts, beautiful thoughts, always on my mind.

men on the big screen.

Why has it become a trend in the film industry to portray men as small-minded, ignorant, hypocritical, unfaithful, lazy, deceitful, selfish idiots?  Do I sound a little harsh?  Think about the majority of male characters on tv shows and movies, take a moment to evaluate their character, and you just might come to agree with me.

Women are always talking about how men need to step up to the plate, but how can we expect them to raise the bar when there is no bar in popular, modern media?  Maybe one of the reasons trashy examples of men on the screen bother me is because I'm wondering how I'm going to raise my future sons to be constant, honest, respectful, intelligent, charitable, hard-working, refined men when they have so many bad examples to look to in the media.

I want Truth.
yes, give me Excellence. 
pure and ceaseless Love 
Undiluted. 
Fire? Bring Fire.
Brilliant days and starry nights beg
Timelessness,
enduring Existence.

After a week of writer's block, anxiety, temper tantrums, desperate phone calls home to my poor mother venting my frustration, questioning my existence, pestering my professors, seriously considering changing my major, slowly losing my sanity, burying myself in deep, unanswerable questions of theology, petitioning/begging God for some kind of answer--I have FINALLY come up with a relevant thesis about George Herbert's poetry that I believe in and care to write about and (dare I say it?) LOVE.


This is satisfaction and happiness.  Don't you love it when you work so hard for something, push yourself to the edge of your ability, and then when you're almost sure you will fail, suddenly things come together?!!!! Then you look back and think, "Woah, that was rough, but I could do it again," and then you keep moving forward in life so you end up having those experiences over and over and over, whether they be intellectual, spiritual, or physical.  


Refinement.  

miss you, grandpa.

Grandpa with Eric, Jared, Chris, Alini, Christi,
Kaitlin (had black eyes from a broken nose), me, Shalane
-Island Park, summer 2006

Grandpa Carson died a few months ago.  I love him and think of him often.

Lyrae Van Clief-Stefanon.

She came yesterday to BYU for a poetry reading, but I had class during the time she was here so I missed out.  One of my professors gave us a link to hear some of her poetry online and I've been listening to it tonight and loving it.  Check it out here.  Also, thank you, Vimeo, for this:


Lyrae Van Clief-Stefanon reads at the 2009 Natinal Book Awards Finalist Event from National Book Foundation on Vimeo.

Leisure: The Basis of Culture

In a class I'm taking this semester, we're approaching the study of history by looking at ethics, philosophy, and civilization as a whole, so we're reading various books with different theories; today as I read one of our required books, Leisure: The Basis of Culture, I had what Coach Bob Neal would call a "Peak experience."

Josef Pieper, a German philosopher, "destroys common misconceptions about the idea of leisure and its relation to work.  Leisure is not ideleness, but an attitude of the mind and a condition of the soul that fosters receptivity to both physical and spiritual realities.  The author points out that sound philosophy and authentic religion can be born only in leisure--a leisure that allows time for the contemplation of things, including the nature of God...Pieper warns that unless we recover true leisure--the ability for silence, contemplation and insight; for receptivity and intuitive openness to truth--and replace our frenetic amusments and relentless striving, we will destroy our culture and ourselves" (quote taken from the back of the book).  

Josef Pieper

The book is a quick read and it's full of important ideas like: "[Man] should not be wholly absorbed in the clear-cut milieu of his strictly limited function...he should retain the faculty of grasping the world as a whole and realizing his full potentialities as an entity meant to reach Wholeness" (p. 50).  

And, as Aristotle said, "A man will live thus, not to the extent that he is a man, but to the extent that a divine principle dwells within him" (p. 51).  

Oh, I do love a good book that changes my life paradigm!! You can order it here.

insomnia.

I toss and turn in bed for hours.  The problem is my brain just goes and goes. And goes.

If I were a brilliant scientist, musician, or writer, I'd have an excuse to be up all night working on something fantastic.  Unfortunately, all the ideas flying around in my brain right now are not very fantastic. Perhaps I'm on the verge of something just waiting to be created at the right time...

Except for once, Brain, can you slow down and let me sleep?  I have a yoga class in 5 hours and a day of classes and paper-writing ahead!

insomnia in Jerusalem, Sept 2010

not gonna go sky diving, but...

Today I was praying for some answers and suddenly I got the thought, "What would you do if you were going to die tomorrow?"  Yeah, yeah, it sounds cheesy (maybe because of certain oh-so-annoying songs that tell you to live like you're dying and go sky diving, blah blah, blah--actually that's a pretty good song so never mind, but you know what I'm saying) except this was oh-so-not cheesy for me, because I realized I have not been living life to the fullest lately.  I'm pretty sure I'm not going to die tomorrow, BUT I want to start thinking about that a little more and make each day count and go ahead and plan some of the more outlandish things I want to do.  Of course, most of the things I want to do take money and I don't have much, but whatever--I'll work it out if it's supposed to happen.  But alas, the big plans will have to wait; I  have homework that's definitely due tomorrow, whether or not I bite the dust.

happy!

I am SO happy I can hardly sit still, I just want to run all over my apartment and scream and squeal and jump up and down and then go outside in the freezing cold and hug strangers and jump in the snow and howl at the moon!!!!!

Why? Because I have everything a girl could ask for, that's why.

I live in a free country,
I have supportive family and friends,
I'm getting an education,
I'm majoring in something I love,
I'm taking interesting classes,
I'm blessed with health,
I have a bed to sleep on in an apartment with heat,
I have fresh food to eat and clean water to drink every day,
and the list of things I'm thankful for could go on and on and on.

Western Wall.

The Western Wall was probably my favorite place to go to in Jerusalem. In September, I emailed my family about my first experience there, so I'm just going to copy and paste parts of the email below...

Note: The following pics were taken at different times over the semester.

Dear Mom, Dad, Kaitlin, and Shalane,

Last night our group had the special opportunity to go to the Western Wall and be there as the Jews began their Sabbath celebration.  As you know, the Jewish Sabbath begins Friday at sundown.  Hundreds of people gather at the Western Wall to offer prayers, read scripture, sing praises, and dance.   Professor Chadwick explained the sacredness of the place by comparing it to how we feel about our temples. The Western Wall is like an open-air temple for our Jewish friends.   We can't use electronics or take pictures while there during the Sabbath, but it's okay to take pics on other days.

A gate surrounds the area of the Wall.  To get in, you have to go through security and metal detectors.  The plaza inside the gate is basically a huge square on a slope.  The further you are away from the Wall, the higher on the slope you are, and the more you can see what is going on down below you at the wall.  As you get closer to the wall, you see less people worshipping but more of the massive wall.  

There is a fence separating the Wall into two sides: one for males and one for females.  Professor Chadwick said the reason they separate it into two sections is so the males can focus on worshipping God rather than being distracted by women.  J The males are required to wear a head covering.  Some wear kippas and others wear different hats; it just depends on preference or how conservative you are.  The Russian Orthodox Jews wear huge furry hats.  Most of the men in our group from the center bought kippas to wear for the occasion.  The women don’t have to cover their heads, but many Jewish women, especially those who are more conservative, chose to cover their hair with scarves. 

When we went past security and into the area where the wall is, I felt so happy to be there!  I was so impressed with the devotion I saw around me.  The men’s section of the wall was much bigger than the women’s section, and the men were much louder in their worship. There was a circle of upbeat men who were joyfully dancing and singing.  It was fun to watch!  I didn't see much dancing on the women’s side.  I decided to go make my way through the crowd toward the Wall. It took a while to make it there, but I enjoyed watching the women around me as they fervently worshiped Jehovah by reading scripture and/or softly praying or singing in Hebrew.  At the Wall people were crying, touching and kissing the stone, and offering prayers.   It was absolutely beautiful.  I felt the spirit there and thought about how God hears all of our prayers and loves all of His children.  Later that evening when I came back to the Wall for the second time, I offered a prayer of thanks, not only for my faith, but for the Jewish faith as well. 

Before coming here, I hardly knew anything about the history of the Jews and the persecution they have been through.  All I really knew about was the Holocaust, so I have been shocked as I’ve read some of the background on what has been going on throughout the history of mankind.  I don’t know of a people that has been so oppressed and degraded.  The miracle is that the faith has survived and is flourishing.  

It's hard to explain being here.  It’s basically just beautiful being surrounded by people of all different faiths and backgrounds and being able to take part in their celebrations of God.  I really could not ask for more than to be here!  I rejoice in God and in His blessings.  I know He loves and guides us.  And I love you all SO much!

Love,
Jenna

___________________________________________________

Written prayers stuffed into cracks in the Wall.

Women's side of the Wall.

Men's side on a quiet day. 

Women reading Torah where they have a view of whole wall before them.

Torah in Hebrew.

Rabbis at the wall.

Writing my own prayer to put in the Wall.

On an almost empty day--hardly any men, but there were more women as you can see on the other side of the divider.

christmas wish list.

dear Santa, please bring me:


new running shoes
a haircut (3.5 months in a foreign country will put this at the top of anyone's Christmas list) 
the new moosewood cookbook (check it out here)
a blizzard-free, delay-free flight home on dec 16th 


love,
jenna

christmas eve 2009

20th birthday.

 On Nov 28 I said goodbye to being a teenager.  This is gonna be my best year yet!! I'm SO excited just to be alive right here, right now--ya know? My goals for this year of life are:

-Rejoice every day

-Do the best with what I have each day

-Work on losing my life for Christ (Matthew 10:39)

-Get better at loving myself & other people

-Learn something new each day & apply it  

nov 2010 in Galilee 

10-06-10

My study spot is the one table just outside the library.  Someone’s playing the piano in another room.  It’s a waltz.  I leave the table to see who’s playing.  It’s Marilyn.  I head back to my table, thinking about how I want to start playing again.  I see Sister Ohman; she’s crying.  We stop and she speaks of tender, sacred moments.  We embrace.

And now--(when is now?)

Now I’m having a tender moment listening.  Listening to the music, the voices, the steps of friends and faculty, and the water splashing from the big fountain on the next floor down.  I’m happy just to be, to feel, to hear, to see, to dance, to close my eyes—to feel the spirit around me and know that God is. 

This is sacred.