joy and gratitude, living in the present

I have a bad habit of looking forward to the future rather than focusing on the present.  I'm always pretty excited about what's coming up in my life, but I seem to have a hard time being excited about the day I'm actually living in.

The last few weeks I've been working especially hard on changing this, and it has been FANTASTIC.  It was hard at first (changing behaviors is always hard) but I'm getting better.

I had a great conversation with my aunt about learning to love the present, and to live in the present, without letting thoughts constantly wander, or thinking about what you're going to do when you finish what you're currently doing.

The trick is to stop thinking about finishing tasks, but to start embracing each moment and finding joy.  I've realized we can find joy in just about anything. If we're washing dishes, we can love that we have hands to do things!  We can love feeling bubbly dish-soap between our fingers.

I know every moment isn't gonna be peachy.  We can't find joy in every thing. There are times to grief, times to feel hurt, and times to really dislike that one school assignment that we just can't seem to wrap our minds around.  But I do believe we can find joy in most things, even the mundane things in life--and I think the happiest people have mastered this trick.

THE STATION

by Robert J. Hastings

Tucked away in our subconscious minds is an idyllic vision. We see 
ourselves on a long, long trip that almost spans the continent. We're
 traveling by passenger train, and out the windows we drink in the passing
 scene of cars on nearby highways, of children waving at a crossing, of 
cattle grazing on a distant hillside, of smoke pouring from a power plant,
 of row upon row of corn and wheat, of flatlands and valleys, of mountains 
and rolling hills, of biting winter and blazing summer and cavorting 
spring and docile fall.



But uppermost in our minds is the final destination. On a certain day at a
certain hour we will pull into the station. There will be bands playing, 
and flags waving. And once we get there, so many wonderful dreams will come
true. So many wishes will be fulfilled and so many pieces of our lives will
finally be neatly fitted together like a completed jigsaw puzzle.

How 
restlessly we pace the aisles, damning the minutes for loitering...waiting,
waiting, waiting, for the station.  

However, sooner or later we must realize…The true joy of life is the trip. The 
station is only a dream. It constantly outdistances us.



“When we reach the station, that will be it!" we cry. Translated it means,
 "When I'm 18, that will be it! When I buy a new 450 SL Mercedes Benz, that
 will be it! When I put the last kid through college, that will be it! When
 I have paid off the mortgage, that will be it! When I win a promotion, that
 will be it! When I reach the age of retirement, that will be it! I shall 
live happily ever after!"



Unfortunately, once we get It, then It disappears. The station somehow 
hides itself at the end of an endless track.



"Relish the moment" is a good motto, especially when coupled with Psalm 
118:24: "This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be
 glad in it." It isn't the burdens of today that drive men mad. Rather, it
 is regret over yesterday or fear of tomorrow. Regret and fear are twin 
thieves who would rob us of today.



So, stop pacing the aisles and counting the miles. Instead, climb more 
mountains, eat more ice cream, go barefoot oftener, swim more rivers, 
watch more sunsets, laugh more and cry less. Life must be lived as we go 
along. The station will come soon enough. 



i think my heart's melting

A Streetcar Named Desire

I can hardly believe I lived 20 years without ever reading anything by Tennessee Williams. I read Streetcar last night for one of my classes and fell in love. Then I watched the movie and fell in love all over again. It's been running through my head and I can't get it out. You've gotta read the play if you haven't! And then watch the movie. Don't spoil it by watching the movie first! I know I'm tempting you with the trailer, but it's so worth the read first!

ideas for this weekend

Don't know what to do this weekend? Ditch the mundane (tv, parties, fb surfing, whatever) and try something fresh:

1.  Visit a nursing home. There are few things as rewarding as helping others feel loved.

2. Did you know the BYU women's locker room has a sauna?  (I'm assuming the men have one, too.)  Take some time for yourself and relax in the heat.

3. Grab a friend, roommate, or significant other and try partner yoga. 

4. Philosophy lover? Give your brain a workout and read about Natural Law.  Try The First Grace: Rediscovering the Natural Law in the Post-Christian World and Natural Law: Reflections on Theory & Practice

5. It's getting warmer outside!  No excuse to stay in :) Pick a race to train for and hit the pavement.

6. Bake a batch of healthy cookies for the neighbors you don't know yet.

7.  Attend different worship services (besides your own faith) around your community.

8. Get artsy and head to a museum for inspiration. The Carl Bloch exhibit, currently at BYU, is fantastic!

happy weekend! <3

Don't you love it when you discover you can do something that you couldn't do before?!

Why not take some risks?  Why not embrace some new challenges?  Take a class you know will be hard, but that you want to take because you're interested--Forget grades and learn for the sake of learning!  Pick up a new hobby that isn't exactly your forte.  Go to that hard-core workout class that you can't get through right now, but one day might be able to.  Apply for that study abroad you've been putting off because you don't know if it could actually happen.  Make that special goal you've been avoiding because you don't know if you really have the self disciple to carry it out--Choose to forget your fears and make up your mind to do what it takes.

Push your boundaries.  Reach for opportunities, and God will make a way for you to accomplish new things.  I know He will.

I love you all! :)

these phases in life

Sometimes I go through phases where I feel like I'm in a "rut."  But the great thing is, I always get out of the rut (even if it takes a while) and upon getting out, I find that I've become a better person.

Anytime I get in an off-mode, I know it's because either 1) There is something wrong with my attitude or 2) I'm supposed to learn a specific lesson.  Actually, it's usually both of these concepts combined.  So I have these awful--yet really wonderful--opportunities to do some serious self-evaluating and then find out how to correct the problems I'm facing at the time.  In that process I always learn something very particular that I could not have learned unless I went through the pain myself.  There are important lessons we can learn from others without having to make mistakes ourselves or venture beyond our comfort zones, but many lessons--and usually the ones which are most rewarding to learn--are lessons we have to learn on our own.  And it gets messy.  

I really do love that about life, though!  The more I live, the more I realize just how much I can change and progress, and as I make changes, I figure out who I am.  Or maybe I just create the person I want to become.

Sometimes I'd like to see myself as God sees me.  I believe our potential, as creations made by God, is limitless.

Life for me right now is all about figuring who I am and creating the person I want to become.  I'm trying to figure "stuff" out.  I'm trying to understand the core of what drives and motivates me.  What do I value?  Why do I do what I do?  What's the point?

I'm also working on spirituality.  I have been religious for years now, but am I spiritual?  Am I really in-tune with God, nature, and humans?  Do I listen?  Do I think outside of the immediate, physical world?  Do I make quiet time to commune with God and nature?  Do I make time for other people?

Why am I here and what am I supposed to learn?

For me, these questions are really quite exciting--they're a mess in my brain right now, but sometimes, in rare little bits of revelation, certain things click and make sense!  Of course, then more questions come and my mind starts getting messy again and I start the procress all over...

and then--after sweat, blood & tears--
I learn something new

:)

red lentil soup recipe

Since I've gone *mostly* vegan these days, I've been eating lots of yummy lentil soup.  Try this recipe from Bob's Red Mill--it's my favorite lately, and Ariel also loves it, so you can trust both of our opinions--it's so good and so, so easy! I use coconut oil instead of olive oil.  And only 1 TBSP! Coconut oil is great for your skin and has many other benefits.  Also, you can add more spinach. Lots more.  Trust me, it's delicious.

Rachel's Red Lentil Soup
Contributed by Bob's Red Mill Natural Foods 

Ingredients 1 Onion, chopped  1/4 cup Olive Oil  2 Carrots, diced  2 stalks Celery, chopped  1 tsp. Oregano  1 Bay Leaf  1 tsp. Basil  1 (14.5 ounce) can crushed Tomatoes  2 cups Red Lentils  8 cups Water  1/2 cup Spinach, rinsed and thinly sliced  2 Tbsp. Vinegar  Salt and Pepper to taste
Directions
In a large soup pot, heat oil over medium heat. Add onions, carrots and celery; cook and stir until onion is tender. Stir in garlic, bay leaf, oregano and basil; cook for 2 minutes. Stir in lentils and add water and tomatoes. bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer for at least 1 hour. When ready to serve. Stir in spinach and cook until it wilts. Stir in vinegar and season to taste with salt and pepper and more vinegar is desired. Makes 6 servings.

I think the desire to know and become and create is within each of us but we so often forget what we are destined for.  That's tragedy and a life wasted.

I want to reach my hand out into the expanse and scoop out a handful of stars.

Then I want to sprinkle them across the galaxy and watch them fall like drops of rain.

I want to create worlds.  It's so beautiful and epic, my epitome of a dream.

See?  This is why I can't sleep.  Thoughts, beautiful thoughts, always on my mind.

men on the big screen.

Why has it become a trend in the film industry to portray men as small-minded, ignorant, hypocritical, unfaithful, lazy, deceitful, selfish idiots?  Do I sound a little harsh?  Think about the majority of male characters on tv shows and movies, take a moment to evaluate their character, and you just might come to agree with me.

Women are always talking about how men need to step up to the plate, but how can we expect them to raise the bar when there is no bar in popular, modern media?  Maybe one of the reasons trashy examples of men on the screen bother me is because I'm wondering how I'm going to raise my future sons to be constant, honest, respectful, intelligent, charitable, hard-working, refined men when they have so many bad examples to look to in the media.

I want Truth.
yes, give me Excellence. 
pure and ceaseless Love 
Undiluted. 
Fire? Bring Fire.
Brilliant days and starry nights beg
Timelessness,
enduring Existence.

After a week of writer's block, anxiety, temper tantrums, desperate phone calls home to my poor mother venting my frustration, questioning my existence, pestering my professors, seriously considering changing my major, slowly losing my sanity, burying myself in deep, unanswerable questions of theology, petitioning/begging God for some kind of answer--I have FINALLY come up with a relevant thesis about George Herbert's poetry that I believe in and care to write about and (dare I say it?) LOVE.


This is satisfaction and happiness.  Don't you love it when you work so hard for something, push yourself to the edge of your ability, and then when you're almost sure you will fail, suddenly things come together?!!!! Then you look back and think, "Woah, that was rough, but I could do it again," and then you keep moving forward in life so you end up having those experiences over and over and over, whether they be intellectual, spiritual, or physical.  


Refinement.  

miss you, grandpa.

Grandpa with Eric, Jared, Chris, Alini, Christi,
Kaitlin (had black eyes from a broken nose), me, Shalane
-Island Park, summer 2006

Grandpa Carson died a few months ago.  I love him and think of him often.

Lyrae Van Clief-Stefanon.

She came yesterday to BYU for a poetry reading, but I had class during the time she was here so I missed out.  One of my professors gave us a link to hear some of her poetry online and I've been listening to it tonight and loving it.  Check it out here.  Also, thank you, Vimeo, for this:


Lyrae Van Clief-Stefanon reads at the 2009 Natinal Book Awards Finalist Event from National Book Foundation on Vimeo.

Leisure: The Basis of Culture

In a class I'm taking this semester, we're approaching the study of history by looking at ethics, philosophy, and civilization as a whole, so we're reading various books with different theories; today as I read one of our required books, Leisure: The Basis of Culture, I had what Coach Bob Neal would call a "Peak experience."

Josef Pieper, a German philosopher, "destroys common misconceptions about the idea of leisure and its relation to work.  Leisure is not ideleness, but an attitude of the mind and a condition of the soul that fosters receptivity to both physical and spiritual realities.  The author points out that sound philosophy and authentic religion can be born only in leisure--a leisure that allows time for the contemplation of things, including the nature of God...Pieper warns that unless we recover true leisure--the ability for silence, contemplation and insight; for receptivity and intuitive openness to truth--and replace our frenetic amusments and relentless striving, we will destroy our culture and ourselves" (quote taken from the back of the book).  

Josef Pieper

The book is a quick read and it's full of important ideas like: "[Man] should not be wholly absorbed in the clear-cut milieu of his strictly limited function...he should retain the faculty of grasping the world as a whole and realizing his full potentialities as an entity meant to reach Wholeness" (p. 50).  

And, as Aristotle said, "A man will live thus, not to the extent that he is a man, but to the extent that a divine principle dwells within him" (p. 51).  

Oh, I do love a good book that changes my life paradigm!! You can order it here.

insomnia.

I toss and turn in bed for hours.  The problem is my brain just goes and goes. And goes.

If I were a brilliant scientist, musician, or writer, I'd have an excuse to be up all night working on something fantastic.  Unfortunately, all the ideas flying around in my brain right now are not very fantastic. Perhaps I'm on the verge of something just waiting to be created at the right time...

Except for once, Brain, can you slow down and let me sleep?  I have a yoga class in 5 hours and a day of classes and paper-writing ahead!

insomnia in Jerusalem, Sept 2010

not gonna go sky diving, but...

Today I was praying for some answers and suddenly I got the thought, "What would you do if you were going to die tomorrow?"  Yeah, yeah, it sounds cheesy (maybe because of certain oh-so-annoying songs that tell you to live like you're dying and go sky diving, blah blah, blah--actually that's a pretty good song so never mind, but you know what I'm saying) except this was oh-so-not cheesy for me, because I realized I have not been living life to the fullest lately.  I'm pretty sure I'm not going to die tomorrow, BUT I want to start thinking about that a little more and make each day count and go ahead and plan some of the more outlandish things I want to do.  Of course, most of the things I want to do take money and I don't have much, but whatever--I'll work it out if it's supposed to happen.  But alas, the big plans will have to wait; I  have homework that's definitely due tomorrow, whether or not I bite the dust.

happy!

I am SO happy I can hardly sit still, I just want to run all over my apartment and scream and squeal and jump up and down and then go outside in the freezing cold and hug strangers and jump in the snow and howl at the moon!!!!!

Why? Because I have everything a girl could ask for, that's why.

I live in a free country,
I have supportive family and friends,
I'm getting an education,
I'm majoring in something I love,
I'm taking interesting classes,
I'm blessed with health,
I have a bed to sleep on in an apartment with heat,
I have fresh food to eat and clean water to drink every day,
and the list of things I'm thankful for could go on and on and on.

Western Wall.

The Western Wall was probably my favorite place to go to in Jerusalem. In September, I emailed my family about my first experience there, so I'm just going to copy and paste parts of the email below...

Note: The following pics were taken at different times over the semester.

Dear Mom, Dad, Kaitlin, and Shalane,

Last night our group had the special opportunity to go to the Western Wall and be there as the Jews began their Sabbath celebration.  As you know, the Jewish Sabbath begins Friday at sundown.  Hundreds of people gather at the Western Wall to offer prayers, read scripture, sing praises, and dance.   Professor Chadwick explained the sacredness of the place by comparing it to how we feel about our temples. The Western Wall is like an open-air temple for our Jewish friends.   We can't use electronics or take pictures while there during the Sabbath, but it's okay to take pics on other days.

A gate surrounds the area of the Wall.  To get in, you have to go through security and metal detectors.  The plaza inside the gate is basically a huge square on a slope.  The further you are away from the Wall, the higher on the slope you are, and the more you can see what is going on down below you at the wall.  As you get closer to the wall, you see less people worshipping but more of the massive wall.  

There is a fence separating the Wall into two sides: one for males and one for females.  Professor Chadwick said the reason they separate it into two sections is so the males can focus on worshipping God rather than being distracted by women.  J The males are required to wear a head covering.  Some wear kippas and others wear different hats; it just depends on preference or how conservative you are.  The Russian Orthodox Jews wear huge furry hats.  Most of the men in our group from the center bought kippas to wear for the occasion.  The women don’t have to cover their heads, but many Jewish women, especially those who are more conservative, chose to cover their hair with scarves. 

When we went past security and into the area where the wall is, I felt so happy to be there!  I was so impressed with the devotion I saw around me.  The men’s section of the wall was much bigger than the women’s section, and the men were much louder in their worship. There was a circle of upbeat men who were joyfully dancing and singing.  It was fun to watch!  I didn't see much dancing on the women’s side.  I decided to go make my way through the crowd toward the Wall. It took a while to make it there, but I enjoyed watching the women around me as they fervently worshiped Jehovah by reading scripture and/or softly praying or singing in Hebrew.  At the Wall people were crying, touching and kissing the stone, and offering prayers.   It was absolutely beautiful.  I felt the spirit there and thought about how God hears all of our prayers and loves all of His children.  Later that evening when I came back to the Wall for the second time, I offered a prayer of thanks, not only for my faith, but for the Jewish faith as well. 

Before coming here, I hardly knew anything about the history of the Jews and the persecution they have been through.  All I really knew about was the Holocaust, so I have been shocked as I’ve read some of the background on what has been going on throughout the history of mankind.  I don’t know of a people that has been so oppressed and degraded.  The miracle is that the faith has survived and is flourishing.  

It's hard to explain being here.  It’s basically just beautiful being surrounded by people of all different faiths and backgrounds and being able to take part in their celebrations of God.  I really could not ask for more than to be here!  I rejoice in God and in His blessings.  I know He loves and guides us.  And I love you all SO much!

Love,
Jenna

___________________________________________________

Written prayers stuffed into cracks in the Wall.

Women's side of the Wall.

Men's side on a quiet day. 

Women reading Torah where they have a view of whole wall before them.

Torah in Hebrew.

Rabbis at the wall.

Writing my own prayer to put in the Wall.

On an almost empty day--hardly any men, but there were more women as you can see on the other side of the divider.

christmas wish list.

dear Santa, please bring me:


new running shoes
a haircut (3.5 months in a foreign country will put this at the top of anyone's Christmas list) 
the new moosewood cookbook (check it out here)
a blizzard-free, delay-free flight home on dec 16th 


love,
jenna

christmas eve 2009

20th birthday.

 On Nov 28 I said goodbye to being a teenager.  This is gonna be my best year yet!! I'm SO excited just to be alive right here, right now--ya know? My goals for this year of life are:

-Rejoice every day

-Do the best with what I have each day

-Work on losing my life for Christ (Matthew 10:39)

-Get better at loving myself & other people

-Learn something new each day & apply it  

nov 2010 in Galilee 

10-06-10

My study spot is the one table just outside the library.  Someone’s playing the piano in another room.  It’s a waltz.  I leave the table to see who’s playing.  It’s Marilyn.  I head back to my table, thinking about how I want to start playing again.  I see Sister Ohman; she’s crying.  We stop and she speaks of tender, sacred moments.  We embrace.

And now--(when is now?)

Now I’m having a tender moment listening.  Listening to the music, the voices, the steps of friends and faculty, and the water splashing from the big fountain on the next floor down.  I’m happy just to be, to feel, to hear, to see, to dance, to close my eyes—to feel the spirit around me and know that God is. 

This is sacred. 

update.

hey guys, i found out today that you should address letters to me like this:

Jerusalem Center for Near Eastern Studies
Jenna Carson
P.O. Box 19604
Jerusalem, 91196 ISRAEL

Also, packages have to be sent to a different address:


Jerusalem Center for Near Eastern Studies
Jenna Carson
Located on Mt. Scopus
Near Augusta Victoria Hospital
Jerusalem, 91196 ISRAEL

contact info.

I know I said I was going to keep my blog updated while in the Holy Land, but I've changed my mind for personal reasons.  Basically I'm just tired of the internet/social networking, so I'm choosing to remove it from my life for a while.  You can send me snail mail to this address:

P.O. Box 19604
Jerusalem, 91196 ISRAEL 

Letters take about two weeks to get there; packages take 3-4 weeks. 

I'll be home December 17th and I'm sure I'll have lots to blog about then. :)  I hope you all have an amazing next few months, filled with wonder and curiosity, adventure and courage, love and gratitude, and freedom to be whoever you want to be, with no reservations or regrets.  God bless!

Invictus.

William Ernest Henley

1849–1903

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

fohawk!

All summer I've been wanting to cut my hair short enough to do a fohawk, but I figured I should wait until AFTER the study abroad.  Wednesday night I had a hair appt scheduled just to do a regular cut and color before I leave, but that whole day I couldn't get that darn fohawk off my mind! I kept telling myself, "Don't do it, Jenna, don't do it!!!"  But I'm glad I didn't listen, because isn't it AMAZING?

angels.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the luckiest girl alive, because there are so many angels in my life!  All you family and friends who support and love me--thank you for being my "angels".  

I keep thinking how I hope I can give back as much as I have received from the people in this world.  There will be chaos throughout life, but there will always be good people to lean on.  Comforting, isn't it?  <3  

Frabjous day is on the way!

I'm leaving for my Jerusalem study abroad on Tuesday!  I'll be staying in the BYU Jerusalem Center until December 16th.


I *think* there are about 90 students going this semester.  We're all taking 15 credit hours.  Here are my classes:

Jerusalem Center Field Trips
Ancient Near Eastern Studies
New Testament Studies
Old Testament Studies
Arab and Islamic Civilization
Jewish Civilization
Intro to Arabic 

I'm not going to have my cell phone or be on facebook after Monday, but I will be updating this blog so you can see what I'm up to!  I'll be able to explore Israel, Jordan, and Egypt so hopefully there will be some really SWEET(!) posts coming up :) Shalom!

tablerock.

after living in idaho for 6 years, i still hadn't hiked tablerock!! soooo on wednesday, lyndi, krista, taletha, shayna, sammy, and i had a girls day and hiked it.  it was so fun!! we went up the face and down huckleberry trail.  look at this amazing view of the tetons :)

annie griffiths, photographer.

annie griffiths has spent years traveling the world while working for national geographic.  she's taken some of the most beautiful, emotional pictures i've ever seen.  i admire her work and i admire that she didn't let her career stop her from having a family.  what an inspiring, talented woman.  i'm in love with these photos: (see more of annie's work here) 

tiff's challenge.

photo by kyuen13 via flickr

my good friend, Tiffany, recently posted a blog with a challenge to stop using the word "hate."  I have taken Tiff's challenge to "make a list and choose love over hate, appreciation over criticism, tolerance over intolerence, happy over sad, positive over negative, all of it and more."  (Read Tiffany's full post here.)

here is a short list of just a few things i love: 

jenna's love list
1. days that begin with prayer
2. literature classes
3. old musicals: hello dolly, sound of music, fiddler on the roof, guys and dolls, camelot, etc
4. early morning runs with friends
5. correct grammar
6. going to the temple
7. people who inspire me
8. playing the piano
9. painting my toenails bright yellow
10. foot massages
11. dancing
12. my job
13. going to rigby lake
14. journaling
15. summertime
16. the stage of life i'm in right now
17. clear skin
18. cute glasses
19. white capris
20. the sky at night
21. bargains
22. ice cold water

rees.

today at work, Rees threw her arms around my neck and exclaimed, "I LOVE JENNA!!" as she gave me a big, wet kiss on the cheek.  do i have the best job ever or what?  seriously. i'm gonna miss this.

for all seasons.

in life there will always be people who disappoint us.  they'll make promises and break them, they'll fail to come through when we need them most.  but that's not all; there will be many who hurt us on a deeper level.  these are the people who will pretend to be our friends, but then--in jealousy, bitterness or selfishness-- will stab us in the back.  they'll lie, manipulate, betray, laugh at our failures, try to make us feel like nothing. 

eventually, we'll come to understand who our true friends are. there may not be very many; among the thousands of people we come to know, there will be comparatively few we can really depend on.  and unfortunately, even those few select family members and friends can change.  human nature seems to have a problem with consistency, doesn't it?

where are the men and women "for all seasons?"  where are the Thomas Mores?  what happened to loyalty, integrity, and devotion?  are we too distracted to dedicate ourselves to others?  are we too selfish to think only of what we can get from people before we think about what we can give to people? 

all around me i see relationships crumbling, whether they be friendships, romantic relationships, or family relationships.  i watch people i care about try to find the answers to fix these relationships.  they read books, go to therapists, get professional opinions--but in the end, after all the searching for answers, the problem always comes down to one thing: selfishness.  i am making a bold statement here, but it makes sense.  All problems in relationships stem from selfishness. think about it.  if we want to build better relationships, we need to first change our own selfishness to self less ness.

because i never want to be a person who disappoints or purposely hurts someone else, because i want to be the friend and the lover and the family member "for all seasons," i am going to work on being less selfish. i pray i'll be more like Thomas More or any other person who lived a life based on principles and integrity.  these are the people who build solid relationships.  these are the people who understand how to be there for others in the way that Christ is here for us.  these are the people who get what life is about.

pink and other things.

putting pink in my hair was on my to-do list.

(i had blue in my hair sophomore year in high school...
need to go find pics of that..it was fun) 

what things are on YOUR life to-do list?  

my dad ordered this book for me called Achieving Your Life Mission, and i've really enjoyed the read.  it has re-inspired me to make my dreams happen now.  i don't want to look back and have regrets of opportunities i failed to take because the pathways were hard. 

soon i'll be going to Israel to fulfill my dream of studying abroad at the BYU Jerusalem Center.  A year ago I didn't know if I'd be able to make this happen, but after lots of planning and praying to know what the next step in my life should be, I realized it was this.  And I'm so excited!  My passport came in the mail last week. 

God helps us accomplish the things we're supposed to accomplish.  I thought I'd have to take out a student loan for this study abroad, and I was really worried about it, but everything worked out.  I came home for the summer and got a full-time job.  Then I got a letter in the mail informing me that I received a scholarship and a grant for the trip--I had no idea I'd get either of those.  I am so blessed!

I know God wants us to experience life to the fullest and grow to our greatest potential--to find our life missions and achieve them.  And that's a happy thing to know :D

happy father's day!

10 things i love about my padre:

1. he's loyal to my mom

2. he's always willing to help other people

3. he makes me laugh

4. he cleans the kitchen, does laundry, etc.

5. he encourages my dreams

6. he's always doing nice things for me

(like buying my favorite bread,

mentioning something I'd be interested in, killing spiders)

8. he works hard

9. he's always trying to be a better person

10. he loves God

summer update.

being home for the summer has been great!  in fact, it's been so great that i've neglected the blog.  here's what's been goin' on:

1. can i just say i have the most amazing family? it's fun to be around them again. here are some pics from a little trip to island park over memorial day weekend. 

2. i've already gotten sick twice this summer.  great start, eh?  i had a nasty cold for a couple of weeks and now i have this weird throat infection thing--i'm on antibiotics now and am starting to feel better--i can't wait to get back to work!

3. work? yes, i got a job about 2 weeks after i got home, which is a huge blessing considering the fact that jobs are so hard to find lately. i'm a nanny and i love it! i get to spend time with the funnest kids around (more blogs to come later).  these are pics from Rees' 6th birthday party.  She's on the far left and that's her dad, Jared, helping the girls make pizza. and check out that cake! 

4. ariel just finished her london study abroad and is heading back home to maryland today!  she sent me postcards from the amazing places she traveled to all over europe. here's ariel in glencoe scotland.

so there are my updates.  hope everyone is having a great summer so far! <3

Li-Young Lee

I became interested in Li-Young Lee's poetry after my American Lit professor played a recording of Lee speaking at a BYU forum.  I loved the recording so much that I downloaded it onto my ipod and now I listen to it on nights when I have so many thoughts running around in my head that I can't still my mind and fall asleep.  I was going to give you the link so you could hear the forum, but for some reason it's not online anymore.  This isn't the same, but if you go here you can push the play button and hear Lee in an interview.

Below is a poem Lee read at the forum that I can't find online.  Enjoy  :)

"Living With Her"

She opens her eyes
and I see.
She counts the birds and I hear
the names of the months and days.
A girl, one of her names
is Change. And my childhood
lasted all of an evening.
Called light, she breathes, my living share
of every moment emerging.
Called life, she is a pomegranate
pecked clean by birds to entirely
become a part of their flying.
Do you love me? she asks.
I love you,
she answers, and the world keeps beginning.