goodbye for 18 months :)

Jenna's Mission Call from Jenna Carson on Vimeo.
September 2011, opening my mission call with Elise, Kaitlin and Ariel (filming) and also my family on speaker-phone :) 

Last August I applied to serve an 18-month mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  Members of the church may choose to serve full-time missions if they like, and it's something I've wanted to do for a long time.   I distinctly remember the day I turned to my parents and said, "Well, I guess I'm going on a mission!"  I was 13 at the time, and had just received a special priesthood blessing.  As I received the blessing, I felt strong impressions about spreading the good news--the gospel of Christ!  That day, I began to look forward to serving a full-time mission for the church.  Women can serve missions after they turn 21 years old, so I had a few years to wait :)  It's surreal to think that I have, for eight years(!), felt so strongly about this mission. It's amazing to me that the time is already here! Tomorrow I will officially be set apart as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

I received my mission assignment in September.  I will be going to Tampa, Florida. Before I go to Tampa, I will spend two months in Utah at the Missionary Training Center (MTC).  (You can watch videos about the MTC and about LDS missions here).  I will focus on learning Spanish, studying gospel doctrine, and learning how to teach the gospel with the Holy Spirit. I know that when I teach the gospel, it won't be ME conveying the message--it will be the Holy Ghost.  I pray I can have the Holy Spirit with me so I can be an instrument in God's hands.  I pray I can do what Christ wants me to do--teach and serve others in love.

I have so much to learn and I am SO excited and thankful for this experience.  I am thankful to have so many family and friends supporting me.  God has sent me angels to help me and prepare me for this work.  I have, in the last few months, met people who have helped teach me important lessons in preparation for missionary service.  The most important lesson I can learn is how to love!  Thank you to those who have taught me so much about this--you continue to teach me, and I continue to look to your example of love and light.  When I'm on my mission I will be inspired to be better as I think about your examples in my life.

People keep asking me the same questions:  Are you ready?  Are you nervous?  Are you excited?  1) Well, I don't know if I'm "ready" but I feel ready and I know God will make up for everything I lack.  2) I am nervous about learning a new language, but I am trying to replace faith and love for nerves.  I have faith that the Lord will provide.  3) YES I AM EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to share the gospel message because it makes me incredibly happy, and I want all my brothers and sisters in God's family to enjoy this happiness with me.  I have learned that God's way is the only way that gives us true joy.  Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life" (John 14:6) and I know from experience that what our Savior said is true.  I know this because I have felt (and continue to feel) the peace, joy, and love that comes from following God.

Psalm 23 comes to my mind: "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.  He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.  He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake...I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me...thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.  Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever."

I know God leads us all.  Christ is our King and God is our Father, and the Holy Ghost will lead us to fulfill God's plan for us.

With love, peace and JOY,
Jenna

Clouds, Mountains and a Lake

Vance Kirkland's (1904-1981) "Clouds, Mountains and a Lake" sits in the basement of the BYU Museum of Art.  Last time I was there I went to the basement, thinking I'd make it around to look at all of the paintings, but found myself stuck in front of this one.  I lay on the bench in front of it, wanting to drift off into this eerie land for a while.

Krew and Kendyl

Rees: "Do you want babies just like these?"
Me: "Yes, Rees." :)

Krew being adorable

Krew from Jenna Carson on Vimeo.

Kendyl being adorable 

Krew and Kendyl from Jenna Carson on Vimeo.


Kendyl giving goodnight kisses to Rees and Cheri 

kisses from Kendyl from Jenna Carson on Vimeo.

hey Molly :)

for Molly, because I know how much she loves them. :D :D :D

love you, "girlfriend"!

snowshoeing

snowshoeing in Kelly Canyon with Cheri and Chris, and Daisy the dog :)

I love my family

videos of my beautiful family on last Christmas Eve.


Christmas Eve from Jenna Carson on Vimeo.



Christmas Eve(2) from Jenna Carson on Vimeo.

how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?

funny

Sometimes you get a little stressed out and do silly things.

For example, yesterday I was horrified as I began to change my clothes and realized that when I dressed myself that morning I had managed not only to put on one bra, but two bras. And the best part was that one bra was black and one was hot pink.  I'm not sure how my brain missed that...? I mean how do you NOT notice something like that?

Then today I cracked up when my mom said, "On Thursday, we'll go see that play, 'What to do about Nothing'"--she meant Shakespeare's "Much Ado About Nothing."

:D

Hope you all had a happy weekend as well.  I'm off to make some "gorilla poop" cookies (no-bake cookies) with all natural PB and some organic cane sugar, which I *hope* is better than refined sugar...

<3 Jenna

..

turn around

I love my roommates

Ariel, "Ultimate You" from Jenna Carson on Vimeo.

God's love

God’s love is greater than anything else.  We live in illusions made by man, but God’s love is Real and True.  God’s love is our guide, our light, our joy.  God’s love is Perfect when we are not.  God’s love Protects, Purifies, Transforms.  God’s love takes away feelings of fear, envy, doubt, hatred, unworthiness.  God’s love makes us Perfect in Him.  


And, as a best friend so beautifully said, "In the midst of the gravest 'danger,' with God it is possible to walk on with love and purity intact."


I like that.


<3 Jenna

why...

is my life so amazing?

I KNOW!  Because I share this happy life with so many incredible people.  People who stick it out with me, who love me till the end--and people who know that really, there is NO end.

We're in it together forever, everyone.

Thank you.  I love you all.

This song has been stuck in my head for about a week.  I know, I know.  I keep posting music.  It's one of the ways I'm speaking my language right now.

HAPPY WEDNESDAY!

friday morning

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry

You don't know how lovely you are

I had to find you, tell you I need you

Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets, ask me your questions

Oh let's go back to the start

Running in circles, coming up tails

Heads only science apart

Nobody said it was easy

It's such a shame for us to part

Nobody said it was easy

No one ever said it would be this hard

Oh, take me back to the start.

I was just guessing at numbers and figures

Pulling your puzzles apart

Questions of science, science and progress

Do not speak as loud as my heart

Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me

Oh and I rush to the start

Running in circles, chasing our tails

Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy

It's such a shame for us to part

Nobody said it was easy

No one ever said it would be this hard

I'm going back to the start

I’m going back to you

Take me back

Take me back

Take me back to you

Take me back to the place where

I first loved you

I’m coming home to you

I’m going back to the start

"There are those who know from the start where they are going and those who only realize after the journey where they have been traveling.  I am one of the latter."

-Gerald Dworkin, The Theory and Practice of Autonomy

I love you

I love you
I love you
I love you

Just wanted to let you know (again)

:D

Delightful Life

de·light

  [dih-lahyt]

noun

1.

a high degree of pleasure or enjoyment; joy; rapture.

2.

something that gives great pleasure.

There is something 100% wonderful about choosing to find DELIGHT in living.  Boring people might tell you it’s impossible, and that’s sad for them, cause here’s the truth: We can choose to live a 100% Delightful Life.

For example, a few moments ago I saw a good friend and was so DELIGHTED to see her that I started crying!  The boring Jenna would just be “happy” in this situation, but because I decided to find 100% Delight in living that moment, “happy” just wasn’t enough—I had to be DELIGHTED!  Embracing that Delight brought tears to my eyes and it felt good! 

Do we let ourselves get DELIGHTED?  Do we let ourselves experience a moment 100% and savor that moment until there is nothing else but that moment, that experience, that feeling, that awe of being able to breathe and see and hear and smell and taste and touch and move our legs and live our lives?  Or are we so numb, bored, tired, apathetic that Life does not feel Delightful anymore? 

Life is Delightful, and I am going to live it 100% even if that means going a bit bonkers sometimes--including crying, screaming in delight, laughing when I'm the only one laughing, talking to myself in public, etc. I will not waste precious moments in time by masking my emotions of Delight for the sake of “convention.”  

So anyway, after I saw my friend whom I thought was in Texas but was most definitely not in Texas—and then started crying—my day got even better when I saw an advertisement on campus for a forum entitled “Life’s Two Big Questions.”  Seeing that ad with the title of that forum was just DELIGHTFUL to me, because last time I checked, Life has more than two questions—many of which are VERY.BIG.  So this ad was Delightful because it was so ironic that it was absolutely hilarious, and so ridiculous and I wanted to talk to the guy who came up with this tile.  This thought was so funny to me that of course I had to double over, laugh out loud and exclaim, “That’s funny!” over and over. Because I was acting like this as I walked by a bus stop, plenty of strangers saw I was going bonkers, but guess what?  I was okay with it--because I Delighted in it.  Because in that moment, as I was laughing at the absolutely ridiculous forum entitled “Life’s Two Big Questions,” I realized Life is funny and that funniness is Delightful.  And in that moment as I fell so in love with being Delighted, I decided I want everyone to  Delight in Life with me.  So then I laughed myself to the library, accidently(?) went into the completely-silent-honors-reading-room (the one room in the library wherein you “have” to be completely silent) and exclaimed in a loud, high-pitched voice: “LIFE IS FUNNY!” and laughed and laughed and doubled over until I was crying (again).

The formerly silent room was no longer silent and people’s faces were looking at me with weird expressions, like "I do not appreciate you ruining my silence" and "girl, you are crazy," but I just thought, “You poor, poor people—you should be laughing with me.”  I left the room to get a drink of water, strutted back in like the Queen of Sheba, smiled at the girl who was (still) staring at me, and plopped down on a cozy chair, thoroughly pleased and at peace with myself and with the beautiful people around me, all my brothers and sisters.   They did not know it, but I was Delighting in them.  And someday we will all Delight together.  

Well, my friends, this was a piece of my Life today—and a 100% Delightful Life it is.  

His tender mercies are over all His works

"The Lord is gracious, and full of compassion; slow to anger, and of great mercy.  The Lord is good to all: and his tender mercies are over all his works" (Psalm 145:8-9).  

There are sweet moments in time that God gives us.  A few of mine lately:

-I ask my mom if she will read to me before bed.  “Right now?” she asks, knowing I'm not ready for bed. “In 10 minutes!  I’ll be ready.”  I say a prayer, wash my face, brush my teeth, turn my overhead light off and turn the bed-side lamp on.  (It ends up taking much longer than 10 minutes, but Mom pretends not to notice).  Mom comes in and we get as comfortable as possible on my twin-sized bed with two or three cats invading our space J  I can’t possibly pick just one book to read, so Mom decides.  I rest my head on her shoulder, listening to her words, trying not to fall asleep before she finishes the chapter. 

-2-year-old Krew puts his little arms around my legs.  I pick him up, he looks into my eyes, puts his hands on my cheeks, brings his forehead up to mine, puts his nose against mine, and just stays there for a moment with a big smile on his face, giggling of course.  He’s giving “kisses.”

-I step outside for a run and my legs feel like moving.  A few miles later, they still feel like moving(!) and I feel I could go forever.  I go faster and faster, feeling the joy of having this body God gave me.   

-My mom and I have been reading and writing in the living room since 8 p.m. (she on the couch and me beside the fireplace); suddenly it’s midnight and she’s tired, but rather than go to bed she stays on the coach and says, “I’ll just rest here for a while”—just to be around me.  I keep writing, Daisy the cat curls up next to my mom, and I wonder how I got an angel for a mother.  She'll wake up in an hour, I'll probably still be working at something, she'll yawn and get a drink of water--"aren't you getting up early?"--give me a hug, go put her pjs on and (finally) go to bed.  I smile.  I know later, when I'm gone, I'll miss this.  

-I go over to Krista’s just to chat.  We don’t need to go anywhere or do anything, just talk.  We drink herbal tea and coconut water, she cleans her fridge out, and I fold the laundry because hey, we might as well do something “productive” while we chat.  She tells me about missions and marriage and motherhood.

These are a few of God's sweet, tender mercies upon me lately.  What are yours? 

Lord, I will "speak of the glory of thy kingdom, and talk of thy power...Thou openest thine hand, and satisfiest the desire of every living thing..." (Psalm 145: 11, 16). 

down in the river to pray

I recently came across a video I had recorded two years ago of friends trying to remember this song.  At the time we were laughing at them just cause they were so cute singing and trying to remember the words, so I wanted to find a "real" recording of the song to share--without the laughing and irreverence :)

I found this very beautiful version by Alison Krauss, and I particularly enjoyed the pics in this video, especially after taking an American Christianity class this semester.  Hope you enjoy as well.  <3

lets not be chameleons, then

"Being popular can become narcotic.  We can come to crave it and to need the frequent 'fixes' brought by the world's praise and caresses of recognition.  A turned head bows much less easily.  Popularity is dangerous especially because it focuses us on ourselves rather than keeping us attentive to the needs of others.  We become preoccupied with self and with being noticed, letting those in real need pass by us...


To like being liked for its own sake is unhealthy.  Similarly, overmuch concern with public image can cause us to rearrange priorities rather than striving to have Jesus' image in our countenance...


The narrow and straight way that leads to salvation, alas, is the path less traveled by.  Hence, there is no way we can both move with the herd and also move toward Jesus.  Nevertheless, there are some who try to serve the Lord without offending the devil...Firm followers of Jesus, therefore, will not be mere chameleons--adapting their colors to match the ever-chancing circumstances by simply blending in."  


-Neal A. Maxwell

2011 scrapbook (part II)

Part II of happy, wonderful things that happened in 2011:

October: I enjoy visits from dear friends and family.  Jared, Brian and Alex come to visit.  Shayna comes to visit and we attend general conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Salt Lake City with Ariel, Elise, Kaitlin, Cody and Russell.  Then, my family comes to visit and we go to the Salt Lake City Temple.  

Students at Independence High School throw me a goodbye party (I had spent a few weeks there observing and learning to teach in the classroom).  These students really make a difference in my life and I love them.  After my time at Independence, I begin a few new block classes and meet more great professors, one especially who changes my life.  I am so thankful for this.  

Roommates and I get ready for Halloween--we are the "Three Blind Mice"--and on a last-minute limb, we call Aaron and ask if he will be the farmer's wife. We STILL owe him for this one...

Alex, me and Brian in the Salt Lake City Temple visitor's center.
Here is a much better picture of the Christus statue.  

My "boyfriend" Justin Beibs,
gracing the freshman dorms with his presence.

Shayna, Kait, Me, Elise, Ariel outside of the LDS conference center in Salt Lake City 

Kali's "demon" eyes

Independence 

Abby, one of the kindest people I know  

I wasn't technically a "student teacher" but hey, that was really nice,
so thanks to whoever wrote these notes :)

Making our Halloween costumes the night before.
Aaron came over to try on his farmer's wife costume ;) 

Ariel making braids for the farmer's wife.  

Three Blind Mice

Three Blind Mice with the Farmer's Wife

Ariel with an award from our ward Halloween dance. 

November: I attend the Love and Fidelity Network's 4th annual conference "Sexuality, Integrity, and the University" at Princeton University.  Since it's so close to NYC, I get to spend two days there with friends!  The conference is a great experience and so is visiting NYC for the first time. 

I spend Thanksgiving with my family in Idaho and enjoy time with friends as well.  Over the break, my dad celebrates his 51st birthday and I celebrate my 21st birthday.  My real birthday is the 28th, the first day back to school, and my roommates make the day really special for me even though they're busy with classes :)  What wonderful friends I have!  

Megan and me at Princeton

Princeton campus

More beautiful Princeton campus

We attended mass at St. Paul's Church

St. Paul's Catholic Church

Times Square

The LDS Manhattan temple

Tom, Becca, Aaron, me 

Central Park

Untitled from Jenna Carson on Vimeo.
I really enjoyed listening to this man singing in the subway.  
Wanted to stick around just to listen...

A green smoothie.  I thought it was so pretty, I had to take a pic!

Thanksgiving break

My mom and me decorating the tree

For my Dad's and my birthday celebration, my mom thought it would be funny to put Kip in a bag and give him to us  :D

We really were surprised!


Alex is always making us laugh.  He came over to play "Killer Bunnies" and put on this headband Shayna gave me :) Love you, Alex!


Shayna and I made a lemon meringue pie


It was delicious!

Ariel surprised me with cupcakes :)  

My roommates surprised me with a new journal, stationary, and a book about the Atonement.
Thank you two!   

Roommates

December: Finals week!  I finish school and move home to Idaho for Christmas break and to stay there til I leave on a mission.  My family, friends and I enjoy a beautiful break.  MOLLY AND JEFF GET MARRIED!  And life is so, so good. :)  

Alex wanted to curl my hair so Kait let him do one piece :)

Christmas Eve--we just can't get a normal pic of Kait :)  She was making us laugh

My sweet parents :)  

Here's to another beautiful year!